I'm pushing through here people

Have you ever felt like the entire world is swirling around you while you are standing still? That is me. Right now. I'm going through the daily routines without any second thought. I'm waiting on the moment that I can stop and smell the roses again. To enjoy what is going on around me. I feel like I am becoming robotic. The constant, same routine day in and day out is wearing on me. Making me exhausted. Life seems too short to be continuously running in this hamster wheel.

A good lottery win would make everything much easier right now. Did I mention that I am broke? School is making me majorly broke. I need graduation to be here. Now. Sadly, we make enough money by government standards to not be able to get any help yet we are barely feeding ourselves. Doesn't make much sense at all. With struggle comes reward. I know at the end of all of this, going to school, my little family will benefit in the long run. I can't wait until that day.

Until then the only thing I can do is to pray. Pray to keep our heads above water and make it through this period of time. Because in the end, it will be good. Hard work will pay off.

At Thirty, Farting is Still Funny

I live with a bunch of boys. A bunch of boys who burp, scratch and fart. Those farts, still make me laugh. The big, juicy good ones are the best. I'm thirty. But, I'm a mom to boys. They are gross. They are icky. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Mommy doesn't fart. She quacks. Betcha didn't know that did you. I figured a little TMI would be good for you on a Tuesday morning.

Hello Backache. I don't really heart you!

School has been pretty crazy lately. It is turning my schedule into complete chaos. But it has to be done. To get me where I want to be. Out of the restaurant business. I hate, hate, hate it. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize.

My midterm...100% baby! I couldn't believe it. I'm pretty amazing after all. Of course the course is pretty easy so far. Ask me in a couple months how I'm doing. Hopefully just as good.

The boys are coping pretty well to the madness. Ty makes fun of me because I have homework. He will too in a month or so. Maybe we can be study buddies!

Overall, so far so good. I'm excited to finally have the opportunity to get my school on. It is well deserved and will be so worth it in the end.

Of Mice and Moms

Tyler has been playing sports for about five years now. Over these years I have seen parents that are absolutely bat shit crazy...literally. I never knew the politics that go into youth sports. How moms and dads truly think their kid is the best and they will do whatever they have to do to make sure their kid is where they think they need to be.

Baseball. An All American Sport. My son has played it for four years. He is pretty good at it. I don't say that because I am his mother and I am allowed to brag. I say that because he is actually really good at it. This season he finally had a coach that let him play a different position. A coach that didn't choose his kid over mine because he was his kid. That is the downfall of having coaches with kids on the team. It doesn't matter if their kid is good or not. The fathers live through their children and play them where they wish they would have played when they were younger. I just don't get it.

A lot of the parents are pushing their kids to start pitching at nine years old. Seriously? I don't want my kid pitching. I don't want my kid to blow out his shoulder before he ever has a chance to play a "real" game of baseball. High School and college are where it is important. I have heard stories of twelve year olds already seeing an Orthopedic Surgeon. TWELVE YEAR OLDS. That is insane to me.

The pressure that these parent put on their babies is ridiculous to me. It's not about where they play now. The position now isn't important. What is important is that they experience different positions. Different experiences. Learn new things. So that when they do go to college and beyond, they still have a chance to use what they learned and become great at it.

The political aspect of youth sports is one thing that would make you just want to quit all together as well. Friends of coaches kids get the best spots too. Even if they totally suck at it. And I hate to say a kid sucks at something. But, lets be honest...just like with adults, there are just some things that one person can do better over another. That is just how it is. We all individually have our own strengths and weaknesses. God made us that way for a reason.

I'm not even sure I have a point to all of this. I'm just frustrated with a lot of things when it comes to stuff like this. I just wanted to bitch about it. Mission accomplished.

Whirlwind Weekend

I wish I were doing something fun. I have spent the better part of my day chasing after the crazy boys in my house trying to light some motivation under their bums. It isn't working too well for me. I'm being just as lazy.

I haven't had a lazy Saturday in a very long time.

Baseball is almost officially over. I still have a few things here and there that need to be buttoned up before we roll on into Fall Ball. The first one in many many years. The summer is going by way too fast. Soon the 4th will be here and then after that school will be back in session. When that happens I am sure to probably lose my mind at some point. From the last post, I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to get it all done.

I took the boys to see Toy Story 3 the other day. It was an adorable movie worth watching in theaters. Aidan held it together for the most part until our trip to Target. I was "that" mom. The one that we all look at horrified because her kid is absolutely out of control. He screamed...he kicked...he melted into a puddle in the parking lot. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. DCF would love me for saying this but I seriously wanted to strangle the kid. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. My kid was the biggest, nastiest kid that I had ever seen.

I seriously feel sorry for his future teachers. I have said it before but I seriously mean it. I'm hoping it is all just a phase. I'm over it so I hope he gets over it soon!

One more day off until work starts up again. It's been a lazy one. A deserved lazy one.

School Days Are a Comin'

It's almost that time. Time to grab my notebook and pencil and head back to school. I'm excited. I'm ready. I'm terrified. Not the whole going back after almost ten years since my first bought of college more the how in the wide world of sports am I going to make this all work??

I have a kid going into middle school, one in elementary, one that should be starting preschool and a butt load of sports programs and their school stuff that has to be fitted in somewhere. Plus my work and the extracurricular that I take on for myself. I'm either going to rock this out or fall flat on my face. I'm hoping number uno works out for me.

This next year will for sure test the better of me. Balancing everything and making it work. It has to work. I'm so beyond over the crappy restaurant position that I'm in now. Granted, the money is excellent but I need something more. For myself. For my family. I wouldn't say that I'm ashamed to say that I'm a server because that's not really it. Like I said, the money is good,the money is quick but I want to be able to prove to my children that an education can get you a lot more in life than just taking the hum drum jobs to pay the bills. I took a lot of time of from furthering my education to have my children. I love them all to pieces and would never trade them for the world but in hind sight I have realized now that timing is key. All of my life my father stressed education. I am the same way with my kids. To me, college isn't an option. They have so much potential already to do great things. I have to show them that anything is possible at any age. That just because I got a little side tracked doesn't mean that you can't do it all whenever you want.

I'm rambling and at this point probably not making much sense. So, I'll end it there. School is coming. July 6th. Ready or not. It is. And I'm ready!

Hello Tuesday. I'm here. okbai

I'm really starting to think that I am not so great at this blog thing. I'm not sure if it's because the plugged in world has made me lazy or what. When I am about to want to write something, I am so lazy that I don't even feel like logging in. Logging in! At the tips of my fingers. Right there! A user name and password holds me back from spewing my sarcasm all over the internet. Maybe it's a good thing.

Let's see if I can rewind and fast forward the past two months. BUSY! One word to sum it all up. Life is beating me up on every side. Some days I do not sit down until it's time to crawl into bed and get a fabulous five hours of sleep. If I'm lucky.

Baseball is still consuming my world. The biggest of big announcements is that I am starting school in July!!!! I am on a mission to be completely broke for the next year while I'm in school because that is what we will be. B R O K E! I'm not going to be able to work two jobs, be a momma and go to school all at the same time so something had to go. One and a half jobs to be exact. I'm totally scared about the next year. If I have to eat Spam...I'll do it. That is how important this plunge is for me. It will better my family in the long run but getting through the next ten months is going to be rough.

Like everything else, we will make it! We have too. On beans and weenies. I bet my boys will love that!

It's kiss my arse cold and flu season

Sick. That sums up my household for the past two months. All of us. At one point or another have been sick. I thought I got away with it. I missed out on a few bouts of nastiness in my house. I didn't get to dodge it. It hit me all at once. Week after week. I'm in week three now and I am over it. The snot monster can go now. I have been tortured enough. As if the yucky butts and puking wasn't enough. Give her a head and chest cold. Why not? She didn't puke herself to death so lets see if we can give her pneumonia. Jerks! Keep your funky germs to yourself. I am way to busy and over booked to be dealing with this!

One day down, a buttload more to go!

The day finally came. Opening day ceremonies for baseball. I sighed the biggest sigh of relief when the day ended at 1:30pm. We did it. We made it. All the planning. All the hard work. Finally. As I have posted a couple times now, baseball has taken over my life so I'm sure this blog will be filled with tons of entries about it. So...

I just want to say how amazingly awesome my boy is! Tyler is rocking out the first base this year. I was nervous when the coach told me that's where he would be playing. He has always been a pretty good player but first base? I didn't think his skill was at that level nor did I think he was close to be tall enough. But, this kid...my boy...is doing so well that I want to kick my self in my own butt for ever doubting him! I am so proud of my little man!

Aidan is getting ready to play ball this fall which is going to be interesting. He is showing all the right signs that he is ready to go. He is way excited to get out there like his big brother and show the park what his little four year old self is made of. His skill at his age is more developed than his brothers was so it will be interesting to see how this all plays out for him.

Hopefully one day, I'll be the momma in the stands of a huge park rooting on my boys as they make millions!

Play Ball!

Baseball season has started. Well not officially until Saturday but my life has been involved with it since last summer. I made the mistake of joining the board. I'm still trying to decide if I like it. My life has been immersed in paperwork, candy bars, uniforms and a lot of other things that I had no idea what I was getting into.

Sometimes I question my sanity when I sign up for things like this. Working two jobs, taking care of my home, my kids and my husband obviously isn't enough work for me. I always need more. I am so freaking selfish!

Did I mention that football sign ups are two weeks away and football season is four months away? That is five more days a week of sports. My kid had better make something of himself, get a scholarship for college, make the pros and buy me a nap! I am going to need one to make up for all of these hours of my life that I put into him.

Boog starts next year. I'm scared for my life.

The dog days of winter

My dog. My precious little 11lb dog. Has a flea. Literally...a flea. She spends her entire day scratching herself to death. It's making her smell. Like Fritos and milk. I don't know what to do for her anymore. I've bathed her. I've given her flea medication. She can't take it anymore. Neither can I.

Take me out to the...get me the hell out of here!

It should have said ball game but...I'm over it. As if my life isn't crazy busy enough, I took on the task as board member for the youth baseball league. Someone please slap me and tell me why I signed up for this. So far I have learned that the boys get all the titles in this world while the girls do all the leg work. Having partial OCD doesn't help the situation either, considering that everything I do, I feel the need to make it perfect. Which left me at the office until one o' clock in the morning, without pay and surely not any self gratification.

And the coaches...oh the coaches. Grown men. That act like children. Some of them, I think, believe that coaching a youth league will somehow benefit them on future resumes. They take all of this way too serious. It's a game. It's children. Get over your whiny grown up behinds and understand the concept that we aren't saving lives here.

But...at the end of the day, it's my fault. I signed up for this. Again, OCD is making me keep doing it. Probably until the end of time. Brudder has seven more years and Boog starts next year...you do the math.

I don't want to pay them!

My life is a constant stream of medical mayhem. Medical bills are consuming my life. At one point I figured if I ignored them, they would go away. That didn't happen. As I look over the three that are currently due and calling my name, I'm trying to figure out how in the wide world of sports that hospitals can charge so much! I'm obviously in the wrong business...that is for sure.

It's mostly the Boog man that is making my life constantly drown in medical debt. If I can make it this whole year (crossing my butt cheeks) without him having to go to the hospital, I'm going to consider it a good year. I hold my breath at every fall this kid makes. I don't get it either. My oldest son has NEVER been to the hospital. He hasn't broken anything or needed to get his body sewed up anywhere. He has never been sick enough to need to be in the hospital. He's almost eleven so I'm thinking odds are looking good. The middle kid has cost me very little as well. A bout of an unknown illness kept him cooped up for a few days and he's needed stitches once. The kid has played soccer, basketball, football and baseball for years and has survived all the bumps of that.

But the little one...he's my walking disaster. He's been hospitalized with Rotovirus...stitched for his second birthday and stitched again for his third. He just turned four so it's a new year for new injuries. I'm going to remind him when he grows up and becomes rich and famous that he owes me a lot of back money for the mental and financial anguish he has put me through. Lucky for him he is cute and gives the best hugs...oh yea and I'm his momma and love him to the moon and back.

The envelopes are sealed and I'm going to suck it up and pay them. I still don't want too. I'm moving to Canada!

I have a dream

I'm in a state of debate lately. I'm trying to figure out if I want to contort my body once again to have another little bundle of joy. I'm even having baby dreams. I don't like it at all.

My dream the other night consisted of me going to my twenty week ultrasound. They did the whole thing and printed out the pictures. They handed me one that showed the full profile of a baby. In the left hand corner there was a smaller picture showing the goods. It was the biggest man penis I had ever seen. It wasn't even a baby penis it was for sure...a man penis. So I'm on the fence about the whole baby thing. I want a fourth child. I really do. I posted a few days ago about the whole boy vs. girl thing in my world. I still want that girl. I'm not so sure that I even have a chance in hell since I'm dreaming about having a boy. A big man penis boy at that.

It's still up for discussion with me and The Assistant so we'll see what's going to happen.

Goofy

I have came her at least a dozen times to write. I have been thinking for the past four days how I wanted to word things. How I could properly put things down about Anna that would show exactly the person that she was. How amazing she was. What a wonderful wife and mother she was. I think I am still in a state of shock that it's real. That she is gone. I'm still stunned to the point that I can't fully write about it. Putting it here would be saying it out loud. I'm not ready to yet. I don't want to yet.

I live in a man's world and I'm totally okay with that

For the longest time, I wanted a girl. Every time I was pregnant, I spent many nights praying and hoping that I would be blessed with a shopping buddy. Another chick to try and even out this house full of nuts and balls. I needed pink in my life. I wanted to buy another Barbie Dream house and play tea party. I was sick of seeing Legos and Hot Wheels scattered around the house. I needed some glitter in my life.

Three kids later...I didn't get it. Not that I don't love my boys with every little piece of my heart but I'm stuck in sports and Hot Wheels hell for a long time. The more I thought about it, the more I appreciate the fact that I do have all boys. Even if I had a little girl right now, she would have three older brothers that would turn her into the biggest tom boy in the world so I think it would be a lost cause.

Seeing little girls running around these days is another reason I'm glad to be surrounded with testesterone. I've seen eight year olds with bejeweled thongs these days. Thirteen year olds are carrying babies in their bellies. Most of these preteens are trying to look like they are eighteen. I don't think I can or want to handle that. I think I would lock a daughter up in a basement I don't have until she was thirty five.

I have always appreciated my boys but now days I'm appreciating them even more. I've became the sports mom and I'm totally okay with that. I don't have to sell cookies. I don't have to do crafts. I can get dirty with them and they don't like to shop so I can actually enjoy going by myself. I get to dance with them when they get married. And for the rest of their lives, they will always be momma's boys.

It's a new year...and the same ole me!

I should be more than ashamed of myself. It's been six months. Six long months of not posting not one single thing in this blog. My sailor mouth has kept me in the more uncensored side of me over at Tumblr. It has been getting a lot of love from me lately. Blogger...not so much.

I don't even know where to begin to catch up for the past six months. So...I'm not going to. Life has been way too busy to try and even remember what happened yesterday, let alone six months ago. I could say that I would make a New Year Resolution to write here more. But...as a mother...we all know how that's going to pan out. So, I'm going to try.

My boys are as crazy as ever. Einstein is doing amazingly well up in the Virginie with the grandparents. His grades are amazing as ever and he is being overspoiled. No wonder the kid never wants to move back home. I wouldn't want to either if I had a built in butler aka Granny at my every beck and call and I got every single little thing that my heart desired. It may end up being a double edged sword for me. Letting this kid live where he is happy might bight me in the arse one day when he thinks that the world revolves around him. I don't think it will take me too long to snap his overindulged self back into reality...my reality.

Brudder is gearing up for the FCAT at school in a few months. He's nervous. I don't know why, considering he is a practical genius. It must be nice to have knowledge come so easily to you. Except in Science. For the life of the poor kid, he can't grasp the concept that he has to actually study something. Granted, he is pulling a B in the subject but as a mother to kids who always get A's, getting a B is something new to me. (yes, I am so tooting my motherly horn because it's my blog and I can) He rocked out as much as possible during football season and baseball season is right around the corner. I love being involved with all of his sports activities. It's a lot of work but so worth it to watch him play and have a great time.

Boog...he is still Boog. His brothers make him meaner by the minute. His little sweet side, when it comes out, melts my heart. He is learning how to play video games so that has made my days a little more interesting with him. Watching his learning the Wii cracks me up on a daily basis. His personality is so much like mine that sometimes it's really difficult to discipline him. Mainly because some of the things that come out of his mouth...I've though the same things in the same situations. I can't hate on him for that. So, I have learned that I have to pick my battles with him. It's better than a complete meltdown. My baby is growing up way too fast. In exactly three weeks, my little man is turning four. I'm still trying to decide when exactly that all happened. I'm sure I'll be saying that at his high school graduation as well.

As for me. I'm glad 2009 is over. It was a rough one. I'm hoping that this year will look a lot brighter. I'm hoping good things will be coming my way. It's my year of being a little selfish. I'm ready to give back to myself a little more this year. Not that I don't love doing things for the world around me but I feel like that is what I have spent most of my life doing. It's "me" time this year. I need a little more of that. I deserve a little more of that.

Happy 2010 everyone. May this year bring everything you want and need. If your resolution is to work out more...I'm already laughing on the inside at you. Much love.