Three going on thirty

WARNING: This story gets pretty nasty...it contains a lot of poop references.


Boog is one of those three year olds that wants to do everything himself. In his mind he is a grown up stuck in the body of a preschooler.

He drives me so crazy some days that I wonder if he weren't switched at birth. The other two didn't do half the stuff this kid does. He makes me feel like he is my first born and that I'm learning how to be a parent all over again.

The latest is his pooping. Yes, his pooping. He easily day trained. Never had a problem with accidents or anything like that. When he has to go, he goes. Up until a few weeks ago he didn't mind telling me when he was done. I'd come in, wipe his butt and be done with it.

Until yesterday. I walked into what I think would have been the scene from Daddy Daycare when Eddie Murphy walks into the bathroom after the little boy went poop. They didn't show the mess but you could see it in Eddie's face that it was nightmarish.

I heard Brudder hollar that Boog made a mess. He made a mess alright. He held it for so long that he barely made it to the toilet. Actually he made it to the toilet and his underwear. It wasn't a diarrhea incident but it was a mushy poo incident. It was all over the place. His underwear, the SpongeBob toilet seat, the main toilet seat, the floor, his legs...EVERYWHERE. I freaked the eff out.

I don't mind changing baby poo. I don't mind wiping preschooler poo. What I do not like is walking into the bathroom and my kid looking like he took a bath in shit. I freaked, he freaked, I cleaned him off, threw him in the shower and started cleaning dookie off the toilet, the floor and his clothes.

Meanwhile he is yelling at me that I am a mean mommy. I did yell and almost have a heart attack at the site of the amount of poo. It was gross. It was disgusting. After the whole incident, I calmed down about it and told him he was to never, ever try and wipe himself again when he has mushy poo.

Well...it almost happened again today. This time he only got it on the tag of his underwear. I caught him with a wad of toilet paper in his hand about to do it again. I need to look into hiring someone that can be on permanent shit patrol.